By Mark Patterson
Want to know something crazy? Our cable bill often soars to around $400 for one month. That’s not rewatch The Sopranos money. It’s the tribute Tony himself might send Paulie Walnuts to extract should you move to Jersey and begin making book on their turf. It’s a new car payment. Or enough to someday buy your kid’s tuition-and we aren’t talking Weirton Community College, nor Rockefeller Insititute. That’s right, in a world of YouTube television, channel receptors the size of a cereal box, pirated Plex menus, and complete technophobes who can cheap stream left and right, “he with no Firestick” (that would be me) walks alone in keeping Xfinity afloat. And occasionally dines on Kraft Mac n Cheese (love the stuff) so as to afford the freight on roughly 2,000 channels-about 20 of which we actually watch.
And just for FULL disclosure (or to fully qualify me for a butterfly net): most of THOSE stations tack on rental fees for pretty much anything worth watching.
And somehow, they always know exactly what we’re in the mood to cue up. Otherwise, why offer shopworn standards like Jaws or Gladiator sans extra charge, but bill me like loan sharks for my 50th viewing of 300 (who knew flying blood filched from a video game could so engross?), or The Fastest Gun Alive (You haven’t known entertainment until you’ve seen wheezing, morbidly obese Broderick Crawford strap on a six-gun and mount some unfortunate animal). When it comes to movies, eclectic taste can bankrupt you. So with that in mind, what follows is a small sampling of the sort of unsung gems that have my house mortgaged to Comcast.
- McCabe & Mrs. Miller (1971) : Ambitious 1890’S gambler enlists experienced madam to get mining- town brothel up and running. Revisionist westerns generally fire blanks with me, but palpable sparks between leads Warren Beatty and Julie Christie (an off-screen item) offset the movie’s slow -let’s make that funereal-pacing until urgent tone arrives in the form of rough-hewn assassins sent by (trope alert!) a “big corporation” whose buyout offer Beatty’s small-time entrepreneur has spurned. Stark imagery and forlorn snowscapes imbue this with a haunting tone that transcends genre- and somewhat polarized critics.
- The Duelists (1977) : Intense (and then some) Harvey Keitel and amiable Keith Carradine make convincing (and apparently evenly matched) foes as French officers who spent Napolean’s reign fighting a series of inconclusive duels touched off by some imagined insult. Ridley Scot did more here than hone his concentrated style for the future purpose of Alien (1979) or Blade Runner (1982), as the iconic British filmmaker forged an atmospheric masterpiece from a modest budget reported at under $1 million. Classical music and an aura of gloom lend appropriate gravitas to this true story, while elaborate period-detail literally TRANSPORTS you there.
- Hard Times (1977) : Yep, another movie based in the past. (Hey, dated costumes and decked out sets pull me in every time.) This one stars taciturn Charles Bronson (I once read that the no -frills son of a coal miner listed his landline in the phone book AND answered it himself) as a bare-knucks fighter who pops up from nowhere to bludgeon all comers and build some depression era scratch. At that time Hollywood’s preeminent action star, Bronson NEEDED no exposition. His characters simply existed. They grunted; they scowled, so therefore, they WERE. With its simple, but evocative, banjo score, Hard Times works both as a buddy-James Coburn nearly steals the proceedings as Bronson’s shady manager-and a boxing film. And in a delicious twist of irony, the big time “hitter” imported to end Bronson’s back-street dominance, likewise sports gray hair with social security in sight. A heavy smoker nearing sixty at time of filming, Bronson reportedly required that fight scenes be shot in short spurts and later patched together.
- My guess is “Chaney,” Bronson’s mystique-shrouded character, had perfected his craft when a guest of the state. The movie does contain clues.
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