………I’ve often pondered if being a good mother is genetically determined or it’s learned behavior. I mean you can come from a long line of cookie baking Moms and be the black sheep who buys your kids cookies at the store. Conversely, you can watch your Mom be homeroom mother, bring the snacks for Little League and anticipate your every need, but you can turn out to be the mother who packs lunches in hosiery bags. Yes, I know that’s me, but I managed to raise two pretty good kids out of that chaos
………I reject both theories. My own mother had no example to teach her how to mother. My grandmother had my mom at 17 and quickly left town leaving the care of my mother to my grandparents who were none to keen on their new responsibility and often told my Mom so.
…….. My grandmother’s name was Bea Carroll. That much I know. But, that’s all I know. You see, Bea took with her the identity of my Mom’s father when she left town. A mother who abandoned her; grandparents who were simply doing their responsibility; and a father who could have been any number of men in town. My mother didn’t have a good childhood.
………Yet, buried inside my Mom there was the potential to be a great MOM. She had a deep capacity for love and a strong need to demonstrate that love to her children. I don’t know how she did it, but she made me not only feel loved, but adored and as years passed she managed to do the same with her grandchildren and great- grandchildren. Every night she would come to give me a goodnight kiss and the last words I heard were “Mother loves you.” That continued throughout my entire life whether it was by phone or in person.
…….And, as the grandkids grew and went their separate way, she stretched those tentacles of love to reach them. She always hemmed the pants for all the boys. When Matthew Webster joined the Secret Service, his first duty was to conduct a tour of the White House for groups. His Secret Service training included showing decorum at all times and never letting emotion show on his face. It was his first day and he admits he was a little homesick, When he reached into his pocket of his newly-hemmed pants, he pulled out a note. It simply said “Gramma Loves You!” Her love traveled miles and reached you when you needed it most.
……I always think that she was an original when it came to motherhood. She did things her way because she knew no other way. The stories of her exploits have entertained grandchildren throughout the years.
……..She wasn’t a natural redhead, but she had the complexion and the personality of one, so she died her ha.ir red when I was six The color suited her perfectly and we got our very own Lucille Ball.
……….. I realized I modeled myself after my mother when as a 19-year-old new Mom I knew nothing about taking care of a baby except that you loved them ferociously and from the very first night, I whispered to my son, “Mommy, loves you!” I did the same with Shannon.
………..Mom didn’t teach me to cook, or sew or clean. She did teach me to be loving and kind…and strong. She was a small women, but she moved mountains. (Seriously, she did move the hill that used to be at the end of the yard. ) Dad had planted 7 silver maple trees on that hill before he went to Charleston. Jakie Fuccy was there on a backhoe working on our driveway, when my Mom approached him and told him she decided she wanted that hill leveled and since he had the equipment there he could do it now. Jakie was appalled. Heck, I think he was scared as he said maybe they should wait for John D. to make the decision especially since he had just planted those trees. That was all Mom needed to hear as she told Jakie, “Do it and do it now.”
…….Jakie did and we always referred to the trees that met their demise as my Dad’s “money trees.” Not sure what transgression my Dad had committed (but I can only guess) that caused her to move a mountain.
…..So this Mother’s Day as always, I’ll miss her tremendously. She was a free spirit and left behind some hilarious stories that are the stuff that make family dinners a riot. She also left a family that loves deeply…. values kindness above material things….. can persevere when the going gets tough and can probably move mountains if need be.
……….That’s quite a legacy!
